Dear Hilary Duff,

Man, you've really had some poor luck with your lovelife. First that tween, Aaron Carter, dumps you for Skankels Lohan (love her). Then, the love of your life, Joel Madden, breaks it off with you only to impregnate Nicole Richie. If you didn't have tons of money, a hit prepubescent TV show, several albums, and great veneers, I would say you had it pretty rough.

I Feel For Ya,
A