Dear Taxicab Driver At 3 a.m.,

I'm sorry for putting you in an awkward position last night by threatening physical violence on another passenger. I tried to self-monitor and decided a possible alternative behavior could be inhaling the sweet billows of nicotine & tar into my young lungs making some of my internal rage subside. However, you would not permit it. I apologize for bitching at you for not letting me light one up in your coach, further provoking you to exclaim back, "PATIENCE!" in your cute little Somalian accent.

Love,
A