Dear B,

It really creeps me out that you are so insanely forward. You want to sleep with me. I get it. No need to remind me on a daily basis. Also, please don't overconfidently ask me questions like "Do you want to get on me?" expecting me to slip into some elaborate fantasy I hold about our coitus. Word on the streets is you're hung like a well-endowed horse. That's pretty cool, however, I still have zero desire to get freaky with you. Just because you want to hump someone, doesn't mean they want to be humped by you.

A