Dear Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale,

I get really excited for you every six months. Why? God knows. It's beyond me because all you do is equate to a several hundred dollar bill in the mail from my *angels card* (they sucked me in) and about 12 new really cute bras in colors/patterns (lime green, leopard, hot pink, etc.) which are nonfunctional under most outfits and never get seen by anyone but the overweight workers of my apartment complex who hang out in the parking lot outside my bedroom window or fortunate truck drivers on nights when I'm wasted, occupying a passenger seat, and amusing myself by flashing them.

Credit Card Ready,
A