Dear Little Brother,
I cannot even explain to you how bummed I am that I missed your call from across the world today...for the second day in a row. Yesterday, I seriously thought God was punishing me for screening the unrecognizable # bc I thought you were this sot i met the night before. I actually cried when I realized it was you and I was a huge bitch. I hope you are having an amazing time and I hope you are not terrorizing that poor 60 year old woman you live with. Please refrain from getting blackout enough to let a gypsy child talk you into stealing your identity. I love you.
I Wish I Were You,
P.S. That random guy from Amsterdam asked me about you the other day on facebook. I wanted to be like, "Dude, if you want to ram my bro's ass, just ask him", but then I didn't.