Dear Massive Hangover Due To The Opening of a Super Trendy Ultra Lounge With Drinks Stronger Than Hulk Hogan's Wife,

I was 50 minutes late to my first (hour long) meeting at my new job today. I couldn't even be embarassed for myself because all I was doing was concentrating on not ralphing up those Cape Cods on the desk in front of 4 people I just met.

This Giant Water Bottle Is Rehydrating My Soul As I Write This,
A