Dear Dreamy, Innocent Summer Intern:

For the love of God, LEAVE ALREADY!!! You have no idea what kind of bad things I wanted to teach you when you told off that drunk asshole who told me I look 45. If we get drunk together again, I WILL make you regret I didn't rock your world sooner. We both know that would be very, very bad and nice boys like you don't do that sort of thing. It's not even my career or boyfriend I care about here--it's your child-like sense of wonder. Please PLEASE vacate before I do things to you that are illegal even in Eastern Europe.

Come do lines off my tan,
B