Dear Drunken Teenage Asshole From Saturday Night,

Why you decided that it would be a good idea to attempt to kick off my passenger side mirror last night on your drunken stumble home at 3:00 am is beyond me. However, as you were too drunk to do much damage, you then attempted to pull it off with your grubby little hands and still couldn't get it. That was just pathetic. When my b/f heard the noise and yelled at you out the window, the goofy little song and dance you did was almost funny. Good thing you had managed to get away before he was able to get his clothes on and pummel your drunken ass. But don't worry, you did manage to crack the casing and mess things up enough. Now I have the pleasure of going to ICBC, paying my $200 deductible and getting the thing replaced.

I hope you choked on your own vomit during your sleep or at least have one hell of a hangover today. Oh, and I have your fingerprints. Fucktard.

R