Dear Ear Doctor,

Thanks for all the help yesterday and for prescribing me, in your words, "a very powerful narcotic pain reliever" to help me survive the pain of this small city being excavated in my ear. The initial feeling of floating in pudding definitely made the past 3 days of hell worth it.

Also, thank you for assuming I am a druggie jonesing for a fix, when I called less than 18 hours later to tell you I am apparently allergic to said narcotic and need a replacement. I am sorry to be so spoiled and cracked out, but have your eyelashes ever itched? I am pretty sure substituting OTC Alleve will not quell my cries of pain, or allow me to sleep.

I will keep taking this shit but I am going to add a plethora of benadryl and sleeping pills to spite you.

Becoming a lepper in my sleep,
Blondie

P.S. Have you met the Duane Reade Pharmacy tech? You two should date.