Dear Window Unit:

Fuck you and the fucking worthlessness that is you. If I ever meet the owner of my building, I'm going to ninja chop her into a new home w/out CACH. You know, b/c hell wouldn't be hot enough and I want her to suffer. We both know the neighbor across the way has seen me walk around naked LOTS, so cut your shit and get your cool on.

Thanks for the swamp ass, bitch,

Queen B

PS The fact that I'm not getting laid IS NOT an excuse to blow lukewarm air into my bedroom. If it's to be insult to injury...well...I really don't know what to threaten here. You've got me over a very warm barrel. Please just work, okay? PLEASE????