Dear Complete and Total Lack of Hand-Eye-Feet Coordination,

You Bitch. Thanks to your negligence on New Years Eve I:

- Lost my cell phone

- Broke a chair by falling through it

- Completely failed to "Mind the Gap" and did a face plant on the tube

- Assaulted some random girl on the tube by falling on top of her

- Came perioulously close to falling out of a second story window. And dying.

One of those things happening might make a good story. All five in one night is just a tragedy. Now I'm bruised, embarrased AND I have to get a new phone. Please come back and work with me so that my friends will stop laughing at me and I won't look constantly look like I got in a car accident.

Don't know which hurts more; my knees or my ego,
Shameless