Dear Coworker I'm In Love With,
Why are you so completely irresistible to me? You're way older than me, married, and not even ridiculously hot or a millionaire or anything like that. But you're just so damn COOL. You exhibit everything that turns me on in life - adorable family, a sense of adventure and a passion for travel, good taste in music, and a kickin' sense of humor. You don't take yourself or your job too seriously, despite being in (what I think of as) one of those jobs that you kind of fall into once you realize you have to grow up sometime, and then spend the rest of your days working the 9-5 and getting the life sucked out of you.
In my fantasy world, we have a passionate love affair and then you fall madly in love with me, which makes you realize that you're in a dead-end marriage and forces you to re-evaluate your relationships and priorities in life. In the end, we don't end up together, because I'm young and smokin' and I find someone my age who is just as perfect for me as you are and wants the same things out of life as I do. But before that happens, you and I spend months of total bliss together, jetsetting off to Paris, London, and Milan (and to beach in summer, of course), going to various sporting events, and spending weekends in hotels racking up huge room service bills (obviously you will pay for all this bc I'm just the receptionist) while you pretend you're at business conferences.
I fully realize that my affections for you are totally misplaced, but I still can't help thinking how awesome we'd be together if you were an adulterer and I was the dirty mistress.
Daddy Issues, Maybe?...,