Dear Nice TR,

Stop hating on me just because I say what you WISH you could say. You know those babies looked like God sneezed when he was making them. Don't lie to yourself. Not all babies are cute. It's like not all small animals are adorable creatures. You ever seen a possum? Yeah, kinda like that.

Besides, if I don't tell the old ladies that spandex is NOT for them, who will? Obviously not their fat daughters or grand-daughters or else she wouldn't have left the house looking like a Goodyear blimp.

Look, NTR, I know my method of talking and laughing loudly at people within earshot is not very polite, but being polite is what the boyfriend is for. He is polite enough for the entire LA area. It's call balance. J

And about the roommate thing, I had NO IDEA that she was home; the sneaky b*tch parked down the street just to throw me off! Plus, I don't even think I said anything THAT bad. I mean, yeah, I called her a slob, and said that she likes to watch sappy chick flicks, and that she wastes money on TiVo and eating out all the time, but I didn't say anything about her co-dependency or her motor mouth. So whatever.

And lastly, that list is outrageous. I mean, you REALLY expect me to stop talking about things and people who are just ASKING for it? Come on now. It is my CIVIC DUTY to put these people on blast. They deserve it. They earned full scholarships to Mock University.

So fyi –

-Baby mama: try Whitney Houston meets Riverside, Ca (be sure to include the greasy hair, sweaty face, and "crack is whack" statement)
-Hemet, CA: where granny rapists are born
-roommate: imaginary dieter and the queen of self pity
-ugly babies: come from ugly parents
-fat, old ladies in spandex: should be shot…with tranquilizer pellets
-fat, young ladies in spandex: should know better
-the Spears clan: should return to their native planet – Trailer Trashland
-my parents: will never change and I am doomed to become them. *shrugs* oh well…
-super sad co-worker: really needs to put a down payment on a life

In conclusion, instead of getting on my case about criticizing people, take a good hard look at the cretins out there aimlessly producing [ugly] offspring, wearing spandex with reckless abandonment, eating and giving away food that doesn't belong to them, and overall, tarnishing the great American image of perfection, beauty, style, and hygiene, and then you tell me how I'm NOT supposed to report the obvious.

Besides, my Dear Life friends love me for it J,
Honest Me

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