Dear Ex-housemate's Wedding,

Since getting back together with my commitment-phobic boyfriend two months ago, I've avoided jewelery stores and Martha Stewart Weddings, the best wedding mag ever. I've avoided Bridezillas and even My Super Sweet 16 -- the juiciest reality TV out there. I've avoided everything that could remind me of how he asked my dad if he could marry me, then spent a whole summer dithering and forced me to do the dirty breakup work to end the agonizing emo phone conversations and the pointlessness of our relationship. Then YOU come along and make me tear up when the happy couple is repeating their vows. NOT COOL. Don't you realize what I've suffered to get to this point? Every freaking person I meet asks me how my love life is, and I'm forced to admit that I don't know whether my boyfriend wants me to move away with him, so no, I don't know where I'll be working next month. To add insult to injury, I was somehow one of two single girls over 4 feet tall who was forced by a well-meaning crowd up to the front of the hall for that moronic next-to-wed tradition. You were out of your mind if you thought I'd dive for that bouquet, bitch.

Someday I'll have my own damn wedding cake and eat it, too,
L