Dear Mom and Dad,

I know you were elated that at long-last, I brought another boy home. You unabashedly expressed your approval of his charming demeanor, well-established career, and financial investments. You couldn't hide that you were totally in love with him. That makes three of us. However, you need to curb your crush on your imagined future son-in-law. Not to burst your bubble, but he likes the donger as much as your daughter. Sorry for shitting on your dreams.

Love,
A