Dear Rando Girl Who Coined Herself My New Best Friend Last Night,

You were pretty cool and shit, but I regret to inform you that I have to decline your application for my bff spot. Last night when I caught you in the bathroom talking to the bathroom attendant about how you "don't like to date, just like a good fuck", I was less than impressed. See, if you were like, I don't know, Angelina Jolie, or someone really hot that might have been amusing. Unfortch you had crimped hair and were in L.E.I. jeans leading me to believe the guys you "fuck" probably are the chin-strap facial hair, hoop-earring wearing, chain-smoking type that drive $2,000 cars with spoilers and flame stickers. That's not what I stand for.

Sorr,
A