DEAR MY VAG,

That's it? You're just not interested in all those 22 year olds anymore? You looked shithot and instead of being all "heyyyyyyyyy," you were like, "Sheeet, let's go home and get some Baked Lays." I am disappointed and ashamed and, most of all, bored with you. Get it together and get some. You're better (and I mean wayyyyy better) at 28 than you ever were at 22, so get your act together and show them youngins how it's done.

Seriously,

YOUR OWNER.