Dear Tropical Storm Erin:

Ummm...no. I've been planning my 30th bash for like...30 years now. I'm flying across the country to party my ass off on my pirate-themed party barge and goddammit, I'm fucking having this party!! If you rain on my parade, I will kill someone!!! Like the religious right, who believes that God sent you to punish me for voting straight ticket Dem. I don't care what you have to do, change course and go back out to sea, bitch. You don't wanna mess with this.

Back up off me,
B