Dear 32oz Water Holder-Thingy I Got for Running a Race to Save N'awlins:

Is it wrong I kinda want Neighbor to put his dong in you so I can have a really amazing frame of reference? I mean, I'll wash you after and stuff.

In fact, this is maybe the best idea ever (AFTER masturbation...duh!). I could make all peens measure up and then be like, "Ooohhhhh....sorry. You're only a 6 ouncer, so you didn't make the cut. Thanks, though. I'll keep your measurements on file for emergencies."

Boobs come in exact sizes, why shouldn't schming-shmongs?

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