Dear Insane Old Man Posing As A Retired Law Enforcement Officer Threatening To Sue Me For No Substantial Reason (And I Was 100% Sober So This Was Not Misconstrued),
I want to thank you for grabbing my arm with such incredible force while saying "you can tell it to the judge". I'm glad that prompted (a.)a massive riot around me of young onlookers all trying to beat your ass when you refused to take your hands off me (sweet vigilante work making a citizen's arrest over me ALMOST accidentally hitting you in the eye with a Halloween prop bc I didn't see you behind me)and (b.)me to get in your face causing a very heated altercation ending with me screaming "Don't fucking touch me!" and my friends whisking me away. Sure, I was ragingly mad for approximately 45 minutes ex post facto, but I've been waiting my whole life for someone to push me that far. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to channel my anger onto your AIDs ridden existence. How very Brooke Valentine of me.
P.S. Your pussy friend pulled me aside later and said that you had dementia due to your HIV. That would be sad if you weren't such a snatch and I didn't want to fuck you up.
P.P.S. If you couldn't tell by me not batting an eyelash, you threatening to pull a gun on me doesn't scare me. I knew you were a lunatic anyway and if you shot me I'd have 862 eyewitnesses making sure you rotted in the slammer.