I am SO sorry for what I've been putting you through lately. Seriously, man, deepest apologies. At this point, I owe you several gallons of cleansing spring water and a four week stay in rehab. Between my birthday weekend, my sorority date party and really, every day in between, I'm pretty sure that in the near future, I'm gonna wake up to a gaping hole in my abdomen and a break up letter from you on my nightstand. I mean, I guess I can try to not 'celebrate' things like a new episode of The Hills or getting my laundry done. In addition to making your life easier, I'll probably once more get used to the taste of diet coke without vodka in it.
On the bright side, if you survive the next couple years or so of college, you have a nice dry period of medical school and doctor-hood to look forward to. Don't think I'll be allowed to be drunk on the job much when I'm cutting into someone's brain. BUMMER.
So....maybe you should just try to suck it up for the time being?
Looking forward to your further cooperation,