Dear Condescending, Arrogant Co-worker,
I don't know why I was so worried about your new girl. Bringing her to the Halloween party last night was the single greatest ego boost of my entire life, as I later found out she is immature, a little more than dumb, and a selfish brat. I don't know where/when/how you found her, but I can only imagine it had something to do with copious amounts of alcohol on your part and a blowjob on hers.
Glad I never went there myself,
Still hating you, but feeling better,