Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

I was being completely honest when I said you've ruined my life. If I am not the one then who is she? Cause, when you find her I've GOTTA meet this broad. Honestly, we go together like peanut butter and jelly. I'm the chick you, and you're the dude me. It only makes sense to just stop fighting it and deal. And, we don't want significant others anyways! We just want a little Friends With Benefits thing deal. And I'm down.

And if the real issue is that you're scared of becoming a father, then stop putting it in when there's no condom, DUMBASS! I've got condoms 24/7. So, if pregnancy is the real issue then it's easily resolved. And anyways, I'd love to have your abortion. Kidding.

These are not complicated things to deal with, so shut up and kiss me already,
Your Ex