Dear Breasts,

Please stop being so tender that every time I walk faster than a snail I feel the urge to cross my arms across my chest causing people to look at me like I have a giant peen attached to my head. Please stop being so swollen that I can't even fit into my bra. Also, tell Period to hurry up and get here so the fluid I am retaining will drain from Body. But, Period can only visit for 2 days before she'll be required to leave and not visit until next month and she'd better not leave a gawdawful mess this time.

Waiting,
H.