Dear Random Coworker Whose Name I May or May Not Remember,

Please allow me to be perfectly honest here: No. I appreciate the beer you bought me last night when I ran into a group of you (ie coworkers) at the bar we all wound up in (which was slightly awkward anyway because although I didn't know some of the people, they knew me and, more to the point, my father...hope I didn't do anything that you'll find out about and be embarrassed by, Dad!). However, despite my drunken declaration to Dear Life last night that I love you for walking me to my street, well, hell, I love everything when I'm drunk, and now that I'm sober again (and am ragingly hungover), I must say it was really slightly questionable. Maybe I'm cynical and overly suspicious, but I know what I felt when you were grinding into me on the dance floor, and the fact of the matter is: No. Just No.

Don't worry, 50% of my rejection is based on the fact that I am learning that hooking up with coworkers is A Bad Idea. Also, there's the fact that you know the coworker from whom I learned that. And I still sorta heart him, despite all good sense. But 40% of the rejection is because you are my height, and I'm short. And the remaining 10% is just because you gave off a slightly creepy vibe, like you think you're a smooth player.

Points for taking the hint, though. Now please don't call me and let's continue to not run into each other in the halls, and how about you just forget that I told you exactly where my desk is.

Hoping I won't see you today at the company picnic (awwwkward),
R