Dear general male population,
I have absolutely lost all faith in you. I'm pretty damn sure the asshole gene was installed in each and every one of you upon birth, but some of you are just more adept at utilizing that gene than others.
And YOU -- your body is just completely fused with asshole DNA. Only an asshole like you would make date plans for that super fancy, important gala that I was honored to be attending with you .. and then out of nowhere dump me a week beforehand because you're "seeing someone else." Where the fuck did you pull that one from, buddy? And you are perfectly aware that I now have a $350 non-returnable dress hanging on the back of my closet door. You let me go ahead and buy the dress while you were planning this entire little shenanigan. I work hard for my money and, for some dumbass reason, invested $350 .. in YOU.
So, that leaves only one thing to be said.
You owe me fucking $350. I want my damn money right now. And you WILL pay it to me, because I know where you live, and I know people. Remember me by that, asshole.
And I also want to let you know that your new girlfriend that "you love so much and miss so much! even though you've only been dating for about a week!" has more STDs than you have fingers. But since she can't write, count, or multitask to save her life, she probably doesn't even know what an STD is (or how to spell it -- she definitely gives new meaning to the term "dumb blonde").
Have fun living with gonorrhea!