Dear roommate,

Sorry me and my bf have been getting it on like bunnies lately. It's just that it's been so hot. And he's so hot. Then, I get hot and...well you know the rest. Or you've heard the rest, I should say.

But seriously dude, you should try to get laid at some point of us living together. I've been there 4 months, and I haven't heard thumping yet! I promise I won't be offended to hear your dvd collection come crashing to the ground, or the sound of latex snapping. Even a moan or two is permissible. Don't bother me none.

I just hate coming out of my room to do my usual pee-after-sex (take note ladies), and having you see me all sweaty and happy. You should be sweaty and happy too, instead of just sweaty...

Anywayz, I'll see what I can do on my part to get you hooked up with one of my bf's friends. In the meantime tho, I do have a few suggestions:
1) STOP watching La Femme Nikita. I beg you. I don't know what guys think of it, but I'm almost positive that it makes you some kind of weird geek like those Trekkie people. Eww...
2) Do your hair. You can brush it, comb it, you can wet it or set it. There is a whole WORLD of things you can do to it. Don't just leave it and let it be. Makes you look like a crackhead, seriously.
3) Become best friends with the gym and best enemies with chocolate chip cookies. Nuff said.

With this plan of action, I figure you'll be pregnant by the time you're 35. That pretty much only leaves us 2 years to make this happen, so let's get it crackin!

Happy Humping,
TR