dear same boy,

i hatehatehatehatehatehatethateHATEYOU.

we work together tonight. we are flirting and talking and being amazing like we always are, and you ask if i want to come over later. i say yes. then after work, you ask me what i'm doing tonight. i remind you that less than an hour ago you invited me over, and you say you can't hang out because you have finals next week and have to study and that i will "distract you."

you wanted reassurance that you're still "the man" by getting me to say that i wanted you
and/ or
you are the dumbest piece of shit ever with nothing resembling a short term memory
or
you actually do not have a soul or a moral compass
OR
you might actually be studying, but probably not
OOOOOOORRRRRRRR
perhaps you realized that you still have not broken up with your fug ass bitch of a girlfriend and hmmm.. felt bad.

well FUCK ME, boy, for ever thinking i would be enough to change you and your sick relationship tendencies and your backbone made of overcooked spaghetti.

in a perfect world, i would say no when you ask me to hang out tomorrow night, and when you ask why, i would yell at you and tell you all the things i hate about you and all the ways you've made me miserable in the past month.

but in the real world, where c is a dumbass whore who made the mistake of having feelings, i will reason with myself and tell myself that it's okay to see you one more time since after this weekend i won't see you at least until august or perhaps never, right? that it's okay to just have fun with you, because i can turn off my feelings, right?

wrong.

i am so, so wrong.
and i have no idea how to be right again.

and i can't talk to you about it, because i'm scared you'll think i'm a big crazy freak and never talk to me again.

fuck you and fuck my life.

done,
-c