dear boy,

i like you a lot and you know it. you also know that i've been completely honest with you about virtually everything in our "relationship" thus far.

so i'm guessing that probably somewhere in there you know that you're really hurting me.

because you have not broken up with your long-distance, way too young for you, ridiculously controlling former crystal meth addict (not kidding) of a girlfriend. and you didn't tell her that you cheated on her like you promised me you would and it's been two weeks.

i would understand if you guys were happy, and if it had only happened once, and if you didn't keep asking me to go to crazy drunken parties with you at which you drop not-so-subtle hints about how much you want to dump her until we go back to your place and have wonderful sex that is actually not wonderful at all because it makes you a liar and a cheater and me the other woman.

but since you whine like a little bitch to EVERYONE we work with about how much you want to be done with her, and still can't find it in you to dump her or at least tell her the truth,

i'm pretty sure that for some sick sad reason you're never going to be done with her even though she treats you like shit.

i don't know why i don't feel like i deserve you, or how i can POSSIBLY think you are still a good guy, after all of this.
i don't know why i'm still ignoring the voice in my head that's telling me to give up on you now before i hurt myself any more hopelessly chasing after you.
i don't know why you cannot break up with the one thing in your life that makes you sad 99% of the time.

all i know is that waking up next to you makes me happier than i've been in a long time.

so please don't fuck me over, boy. i want you, and you want me too.
why is that hard?



Anonymous said...

not that i think what he's doing is right by ANY stretch of the imagination, but ...

it's hard. it's extremely hard. and more than anything, scary, to break up with someone with whom it's going badly. it should make it easier that they are a douche, or crazy, but that makes it worse because then you're afraid of what they'll do in response. i've been there. i left a relationship of 2 years but that last year, i was cheating on him with a guy (who is my current boyfriend now) and i strung my poor guy along for a whole year. every time he wanted to leave, i kept reeling him back in. i can't speak for you guy, but hopefully it will pay off for you like it did for my current relationship. i hope he wakes up before you give up. :(

i wish you the best, and i'm sorry you are going through this.


Anonymous said...

C- aw! this sucks. I know you might not want to hear this, but maybe the fact that you call him "boy" says it all. While it seems like she is the other woman, you are...guard your heart until he makes good on his promises and acts like a man. stay tough - you're a hottie and deserve nothing but the best!