Dear Lying Ex,
I don't know what I ever saw in you. I like how you conveniently come into my life to ask how I am every so often. Frankly, I don't care to tell you how I am, and more importantly, I don't care how you are. Your conversation bores me, it always has, and I have no interest in it. We did have fun that summer, however, I am extremely unattracted to you now and do not wish to maintain a friendship. You were never funny enough, I can't stand fake people, and you are much better on paper than in real life. Way back when, I did think you were very cute, and took pride in the fact that every other girl at camp was jealous that you would vie for my attention. But let's be real here, you look like a robin with your shirt off because you have so much chesthair. You also have grandpa breath.
Smell ya later,