Dear part-time employer,

When I accepted a position in your crappy swimsuit store, I expected more from you. I admit this was my personal mistake. Why should I expect a crazy woman and a court jester to be able to run a company? I am beginning to think your date planners include:
1. go shopping/surfing
2. pretend we are human
3. run potentially successful company into the ground
4. Attend seminar: “How to motive your employees” (Speaker: Naomi Campbell)

Although I recognize that you are “important”, I am quick to remember that you are also incompetent.

Really interested in helping to make you rich,
Jennifer

P.S. I should get hazard pay for having to help grossly overweight women find suitable beachwear.