Dear Heidi Montag,

Why are you such a bitch to LC? All she did was comment that you did not call her after the sex tape scandal. Did you really have to tell US Weekly that you were recovering from your plastic surgery? Now instead of looking for evidence of an LC/Jason sex tape online, I find myself looking for pics of the new you. Boobs and nose? Were you afraid that we would not notice? Way to try to get yourself back on the C List.

Now on to your “boy”friend Spencer. He sucks. Not only does he use more hair product than any other cast member on The Hills, he is on tape treating your relationship as the joke that it is. Why would you still be with him? 9 million viewers cannot be wrong.

Worried that you had a lobotomy rather than rhinoplasty,
Jennifer