Dear "BP Girlfriend"/longtime friend of mine/lesbian lover,

The fact that he spoons with you is cute. However, it is alarming that he has made no attempt to show you his manhood. Here is how I assess this situation:

PRO: He clearly has no balls, so you never have to worry about him talking to other girls, let alone fucking them. So, at least you know he is incapable of cheating.

CON: Your vagina may fall off.

Grab him next time you guys make out and if he still plays shy with his cock in your hand, then he is clearly a pussy and if you wanted that you would be more of a lesbian than you already are.

Godspeed,
A