Dear Undergraduate White-Hat Wearing Frat Star,
I don't know if you are aware of this, but you are currently in MY secret workspace in this library. I know it isn't technically mine, but no one has ever posed a threat to me. Imagine my shock to see shaggy locks peeking out from my niche! Whatever, have fun. I hope it serves you well, but just know that my night is completely thrown off now, and I'm a grad student therefore it's an unspoken rule that I'm better than you.