Dear Vodka Promoters,

Thanks for inviting me to your "exclusive" vodka-tasting party in Washington, D.C. even though I don't live there anymore. It seems like a totally classy event, what with your "non-transferable" email invitations and suggestion that I wear "cocktail attire" so that I may enjoy your "caffeine and guarana-infused" drink. Am so bummed I can't be there.

Reality check: It's just booze. Please do get over yourselves.

Jessica