Dear Nice Lacoste Button Down,

I know I treat you like shit...and I'm sorry, you deserve better. I know you love it when I put you on and look nice. Unfortunately, every time I put you on my body I get extremely drunk and either jump into a bush, fall onto a table full of salsa, or get thrown into a pool. Someday I will wear you when there is no alcohol involved. Until then you will have to continue your relationship with that handsome bottle of stain remover.

Someday you'll shine like new again.

Love,
Kieran

PS: You know you were on sale right?