Dear Left Ear,

You are such a gimp. You need assistance to perform your job. Just work dammit. Jesus heal me. You constantly screw things up. You qualify me for a disability. Frankly, you're a liability. Why can't you and Right just get along. You know, you may be working hard but the quality just isn't there. I'm going to have to let you go.

Sincerely,
Vincent Van Gogh