Dear City of Pittsburgh,

Listen. I know that normally Pittsburgh doesn't receive actual winter conditions - we just get rain. But sometimes, yes sometimes, it's going to snow. It's Pennsylvania. Ass. So is it really too much to ask if it were SOMEONE'S job to clean the sidewalks? It's a fucking college town. And may I remind you that PITT doesn't close unless there's an actual apocalypse afoot. Seriously. Sun blotted out type of apocalypse. I realize that I should be prepared for wintry weather, but so should you! Rivers of slush are not acceptable sidewalk conditions. And while of course I have boots, that waterproofing spray only goes so far, and I absolutely refuse to own galoshes. (I already look 12 yrs old, I don't need any help.)

Get yourself a shovel and some salt, bitches.
ML