Dear (formerly) Alcoholic Boss,

When our HR manager emails everyone to say that we have President's Day off, don't Reply All saying that "the day off is a waste of time" and "everyone should report to work as usual". You can't just change the employee handbook on a whim, especially AFTER we're notified we have a day off. You're an asshole. Oh, and when you were off boozing all summer and didn't come into work for 3 months straight, you used all your vacation days for the next 6 years. I hope your AA meetings suck.
Ok... actually, I hope you've stopped drinking, for your own sake. But seriously, you need to work on being a decent human being. Where are you, dream job??

About to start working at McDonald's,
LB