Dear Mailwoman,

Why do you insist on being the scariest person in my life? When I walk home from class and I see your Doom Mobile in my lot, I circle around the block until you have gone away. The day I walked in on you throwing packages was probably enough to get you fired, but I am so afraid of you that I dread to find out what would happen if I filed a complaint. On top of that, remember the day you chided me for rarely checking my mail? You knocked on my door, and when I answered you yelled at me and said: "Since you are obviously not doing anything, maybe you should go get a new mail key from your landlord now?" Sorry, bitch, but I'm a busy boy. You can suck it.

I hope she doesn't read this blog,
Kevie