Dear Elderly Australian Woman,

Curse your family for giving you a 330 lb. camel for your 60th birthday! If only the camel would have spit on you, instead of knocking your arthritic ass to the ground, only to lay on top of you in what police assumed to be "a mating ritual". It's one thing to go out having sex, it another to leave this world when being humped by a monstrous camel. You must have been some cougar! Happy 60th!

What a waste of cake,
Mo