Dear My Hair,

You know, I don't like this damp and humid weather any better than you do, but would you please at least try to control yourself? I've tried to soothe you, hell smother you, with a variety of expensive products, but you will not be placated. The frizzy unkempt orphan child look is not very professional, nor is it conducive to molesting hot band boys or unknown Latinos. Please stop being such a temperamental bitch?

Tired of Ponytails,

Shameless