Dear new apartment,

I know we have only been together for about a month now, but I think I love you. I mean, what's NOT to love? You've got wide, spacious rooms, a working stove, clean dishes, my own bathroom, and food that my roommate doesn't notice is gone after I eat it. Plus, when me and my boyfriend have after-dinner sex, no one can immediately hear us because you have fantastically thick walls. You are just great.

I mean, I can overlook the fact that my bathroom doesn't include a shower head, and that I have to take baths like a 4-year-old every night. Or the small issue of the lack of heat my bedroom retains. Or the fact that if I am not home by 10pm, there is no WAY i'm getting parking within 1 block of my house. I can overlook all these things and love you just the way you are.

I mean, baths are ok, I just have to keep remembering that it is not an opportunity to take a "cat nap". (People have died that way, ya know.) And who needs heat when you have 9 blankets on your bed? Plus, walking is good for you, so parking 15 minutes away isn't THAT bad. The neighborhood is safe enough (the 5am dog walkers and baby stroller pushers have shown me that). I mean, there are only 11 registered offenders in my area, and from the looks of the pictures I saw on the city website, I can take 'em.

You are seriously a vast improvement on my last place, which included a 49-year-old roommate who was about 20 years off on her age and always inquired about borrowing my clothes, her two controlling boyfriends, one of which was her ex-husband and the other, a Mexican immigrant with no papers and a temper, who who broke into the house a month after I moved in and waited in the dark for her to get home (Thank God I was out of town. Effin Machismo!). Thats how murder mysteries start...

So here's to you, Mr. safe-wide-open-cable-ready-internet-enabled-sex-with-my-boyfriend-cheap-rent apartment. You make all my (wet) dreams come true.

I'll see you tonight *wink*,
TR

1 comment:

cj said...

I raise my diet Sprite to you, TR.

-cj