Dear co-workers,

The reason that I'm fumbling around and drooping my head is because I am mad hungover/borderline drunk at work and pretending to be sick so I go home early. It really has nothing to do with allergies, Ms. 40-something year old co-worker. Get a clue.

But I guess I should let you know now that I am dying and that you might want to search for a replacement ASAP. My legs hurt (from hip hop class, and last night's 3am romp session), my head hurts, i have to pee and no one is here to cover the phones, my fingers hurt, my tummy hurts, i'm sooooooooooo sleepy, i want to throw up, and I think I want my mommy, but i'm not sure.

Freakin 3 shots of Jose and 1 shot of Patron: you are my nemesis'...nah, j/k, we had fun last night. Especially when me and bf made out in the bushes on the walk home from the concert (Dave was unavailable at the time)

I want to pass out, but I can't. How cruel...
TR

p.s. can you guys call building management and tell them to make the room stop spinning? thanks.