Dear Girl I hardly talk to but whose new profile picture I just saw of you being married,

I'm happy for you. Really, truly I am. I remember meeting you like once. Cool, whatever. But I have to ask ... how long did it take you before you finally accepted the fact that for the rest of your life, your last name would be Heimann (assumedly pronounced HYMEN)?

It would take a lot to get me to say yes to that,
ML


p.s. i realize it could possibly be pronounced HEYMAN, but fuck that. it's funnier if it's hymen.