Dear Facebook Couples,

Most of the time I am absolutely fine with the fact that I haven't had a date in almost a year -- it's my own choice and it really is the latest and most successful doucheterrent yet -- but the more you post status updates about all the adoooorable little everyday moments you and your beloved treasure together, the more I want to EAT MY OWN FUCKING FACE!

I am not a hateful person, so stop making me hate you!! My advice to you, as a friend who cares, is to SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUP!!!!

Willfully ignoring the tumbleweeds in my uterus,
RG