Dear Warren and Toby (The Ants That Live In My Bathroom),

I know that Massie and I gave you cute little names and pretend like you are our pets in some feeble attempt to make it seem like we actually WANT you lurking around our sink, and I know that sometimes when I find you I talk to you guys in a high-pitched voice as if you are cute little puppies or something, but let's get one thing straight -

It is NOT okay for you to camp out inside my Body Wash. I do NOT want you on or around my Loofah. Ever.

Don't Make Me Send You To The Pound,

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