Dear Mildly Attractive Boy in Lab Section,

At the end of the semester, when I no longer have to sit next to you every Thursday from 3:30 to 5:45, I'm going to say everything in the prior letter plus all the little insights I pick up on a weekly basis.

Like, say:

1) Refusing to drive a Honda, Mazda or Toyota simply because the car does not "feel American" enough is an excuse I'll remind you of when I pull over to the side of the road in my Camry and help you jumpstart your SUV.

2) Multitasking involves having the intelligence of a seventh grader. You know, enough to minimize an IM window and keep typing a paper. If you can't do that, I do not want to see you try to walk and chew gum.

3) If you mention how you dated the same girl for six years to me one more time in the context of how immoral I am, I'm going to whip out my last PAP smear result and ask how you justify telling me I REALLY get around.

4) If it takes you two hours to write a two page, double spaced article review on global warming that's a page long (and an extra hour to edit) should probably consider community college.

5) IMing me when you're putting off paper writing to try to have an intelligent conversation and then responding to every comment with "haha" isn't intelligent.

Here's hoping that someday I get to watch you drive a Honda Civic while drinking a wheatgrass smoothie and afterwards write a detailed analysis of Crime and Punishment (haha),



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