Dear Mildly Attractive Boy in Lab Section,
At the end of the semester, when I no longer have to sit next to you every
Thursday from 3:30 to 5:45, I'm going to say everything in the prior
letter plus all the little insights I pick up on a weekly basis.
1) Refusing to drive a Honda, Mazda or Toyota simply because the car does
not "feel American" enough is an excuse I'll remind you of when I pull
over to the side of the road in my Camry and help you jumpstart your SUV.
2) Multitasking involves having the intelligence of a seventh grader. You
know, enough to minimize an IM window and keep typing a paper. If you
can't do that, I do not want to see you try to walk and chew gum.
3) If you mention how you dated the same girl for six years to me one more
time in the context of how immoral I am, I'm going to whip out my last PAP
smear result and ask how you justify telling me I REALLY get around.
4) If it takes you two hours to write a two page, double spaced article
review on global warming that's a page long (and an extra hour to
edit)...you should probably consider community college.
5) IMing me when you're putting off paper writing to try to have an
intelligent conversation and then responding to every comment with "haha"
Here's hoping that someday I get to watch you drive a Honda Civic while
drinking a wheatgrass smoothie and afterwards write a detailed analysis of
Crime and Punishment (haha),