Dear Being 30:

You aren't nearly as bad as people make you out to be. Apparently, my tatas are still bangin', as I found out yesterday when I got really drunk and showed them off to about 324 strangers. (Oh, and my cousin's husband.) Everyone said they were really fantastic. I mean, hey--they were all drunk, too, but it still counts. I'm not SUPER sure I like that my metabolism has come to a screeching halt, but hey--my knockers still look good, so who cares, right?

So laughing at 30-year olds who already have 3 kids and saggy old-lady boobies,

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